I’ve long believed in the importance of bringing empathy to mediation proceedings. In fact, I hold it as one of the most important soft skills needed to create movement during a mediation. When opposing parties are empathetic towards each other, that allows them to move past their positions to their interests – what they really want and need. Empathy helps create an environment where compromises are able to be made to move the parties forward toward resolution.
However, empathy is often misunderstood in the context of mediation. It doesn’t mean “giving in” to the other party, blindly agreeing with them, excusing what one party might perceive as poor behaviour or actions. Nor does it mean just being nice and accepting their interpretation of the facts in dispute. Empathy isn’t even about liking the other party, or their position.
Empathy, at a very basic level, is about recognizing that we’re all human. It is our ability to understand and acknowledge what another human being may have felt or be feeling, even if we don’t see the issue in the same that they do. It’s about understanding and acknowledging that we have at some point in our lives probably felt the same way the other person does, about something in our own lives.
Empathy has the power to bring people together in understanding, if not agreement or exact viewpoint. And that understanding often leads to meaningful progress towards conflict resolution.
Now, it is true that some people are naturally more empathic than others. I count myself as being highly empathetic. In fact, one of the reasons I think I’ve been successful as a mediator is because of the empathy I’ve practised in working with lawyers, claims professionals, and their clients. As a litigator once told me, a significant skill I bring to the table is the ability to find “the right balance between pushing lawyers and their clients, but not behind their point of comfort.” If I lacked empathy, I wouldn’t be sensitive to or acknowledge their comfort level at all, because I would be too busy thinking about my own.
I also think that it’s a mistake to believe that you can’t practice being empathetic. Like any skill, empathy is something that you can develop with time and experience. An easy way to practice empathy is to think back on conversations you’ve had, especially when the person you were speaking to was frustrated or angry. Try to put yourself in their shoes by asking yourself how that person was feeling, rather than simply what the scenario was that caused the anger. Were they feeling unheard? Were they overwhelmed? Did they feel wronged or neglected somehow? Was there a misunderstanding or miscommunication? How would you react if you were in that person’s place, and what would you have wanted from someone else to resolve the issue? Feeling those emotions, or “putting yourself in their shoes”, is a great way to practice empathy as a skill.
So, how can you use empathy in the context of mediation? Each party in a dispute should give one another the space to share their story. This means actively listening without trying to analyze, correct or evaluate, or jumping to conclusions before a person has finished speaking. When possible, acknowledge what the other party has said, what they think, and how they’re feeling. In other words, listen and acknowledge without judgment. And you know what? People really notice when you are truly listening, rather than simply digging in your heels on a position, and not hearing what they have to say.
To put it more succinctly, give someone an empathetic ear, and it can make all the difference in how a mediation will go.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Marshall Schnapp, BA, JD, LLM (ADR) has been resolving disputes for over 10 years as a mediator and has extensive experience in adjudication as well. Clients consistently recommend Marshall for his upbeat, tenacious attitude, and the skills he has honed helping resolve thousands of matters.
Get in touch with Marshall by email at marshall@schnappmediation.com or by telephone (647) 250-7216 today to set up a consultation, and see why he is the right mediator for your next file. For booking availability, please visit https://schnappmediation.com/calendar-2/ or contact Lacey Day at lacey@schnappmediation.com or (647) 250-7216.
